I know I’ve never completely said the whole truth to you. It’s not that I don’t care about how you feel or that I’m thinking of lying to you my whole life. No. Thing is, I really do care for how you feel. Which is why I find it hard to explain to you. You’re persistent and I know that if I told you I wouldn’t love for a hundred years, you/d wait for a hundred years. I know you care for me a lot but that’s the problem you see.. The exact problem. Even after what we went through, you’d be thinking “oh yeah she’s into me right now.” In whatever lie I say, there’s always a little truth in it. I’ve got no idea why but my feelings for you have absolutely not made a huge significance to me. I may not have known how love feels like for a very long time. But I do know what it is when it’s there. With that, I know this isn’t it.

For a long time, I know love had made me flutter. Made my mind, heart and soul feel like I’m on cloud nine. It made me wake up smiling. Made me wake up thinking of the very person who made me smile. It made me sing stupid songs like “captain planet” in the shower. It made me doodle in classes. Made me smile my entire day. It made me open up and it made me coy. Loving someone isn’t easy but I know when it’s there. The truth is here up in my blog and the truth says that I love you but not very much because you didn’t make me flutter. You didn’t make me feel like flying. You didn’t make me wake up smiling. No. You didn’t make me sing stupid songs in the shower. I still had hope and yes I still had faith but I haven’t got the love that’s written on my candle.

It’s not you, it’s me.

Cliché isn’t it? But as you can see.. For those who actually kept up to my blog, it really is me. It’s always been about me. A boring, pitiful party for one. Greedy selfish, careless person called, me. A person who wouldn’t share their feelings with others. A person who stereotype guys as all the same. A person who is soo insanely obsessed with her ex-boyfriend’s PERSONALITY. (no i’m not obsessed with him.. Yes I’m over him) A play girl who toys with the feelings of guys. Yes. That’s what you can call me. Cause now, I don’t care because., well, if that’s how you see me, then that’s how I’m gonna be. To you at least. I’ve hurt soo many guys I suppose. Cheated their feelings. Cheated my own feelings. Honestly, nomatter how many thousand times a guy tells me “you gotta give me a go” or “you’ve gotta give him a go”, it just doesn’t work that way. I just don’t work that way. There, I’ve given you a go. Given all the least of feelings I’ve got for loving someone. Done all the best I can to care for someone other than myself and the best at “giving you a go”. Yeah well, if there isn’t any spark, I don’t blame you. I believe in fate and I believe in choice but if fate and choice won’t choose, then I can’t just walk forward blindly can I? It’s reckless. Life can’t be a bed of roses.